So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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