I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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