Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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