tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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