if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
