god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
