They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That accounts for only three of the penises
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
