Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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