New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
