he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
