dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
