i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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