u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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