K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
