i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
