You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
