hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
