my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
