He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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