So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
