He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
