Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
