put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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