I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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