i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
