if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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