my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Still dying that you shit outside
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
