Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
