Is it because I queefed?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
