Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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