$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
