is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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