You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
