Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
