Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
