He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
