just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
