There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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