just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
