Sober January is a disaster.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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