i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
