check it out our google latitudes are spooning
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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