So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
