It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
