Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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