If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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