Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
