I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
