she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
