i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
