Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
