Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
