Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
