Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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