Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
birth control should be required to get into college
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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